Why I Won't Be Washing My Mirror Any Time Soon

This school year we are trying very hard to create habits and schedules and sticking to them.  I truly feel that this is the only way that we will be able to function with all of our schooling, activities, clubs and other things that keep us going.  Since we have moved into our new home, this has been a whole lot easier.  Every morning the kids and I gather around the table for breakfast and scripture study.  Then, we adjourn to get ready for our day.  At this point the boys run upstairs and wash their hands and face, brush their teeth and get dressed.  Baby girl and I have a routine all our own.  First, I head up the stairs and call for her to follow me.  She then quickly makes her way up the stairs usually laughing the whole way.  Then we head to her room where she selects her clothes (or I give her a few choices and she picks).  After she is dressed she puts her clothes in the hamper and her diaper in the trash.  She then makes a quick stop by the boy's room to check in on their silliness and then we go down the stairs, step-by-step as she learns that climbing down stairs is a bit more complicated than going up.  Then we proceed to my bathroom, this is where the fun starts.

I swoop her up and plop her on the counter with her little toes in the sink.  I prep her toothbrush, which involves my turning on the water so that her toes get wet.  I brush her teeth, and then she takes over the brushing while I move on to brushing her hair.  We chatter back and forth as I tame her very short and thin red mane and place a bow on her head.  We always take a step back and admire ourselves in the mirror and then she toddles off for 30 minutes of TV.  This morning, she did something that took my breath away...

Once we were ready to step back and admire ourselves, she stood up in the sink and plopped the biggest slobbery kiss on the mirror!  She giggled and did it again and again, then looked at me and said "So Pretty!"  in her precious 16 month old voice.  Then, she left me to reflect on this moment as she toddled into the living room.  There I stood, facing myself in the mirror.  I am dressed for the gym, yoga pants and an old shirt with my hair pulled back.  Let me be honest, I rarely look in the mirror.  Mostly, just when I absolutely HAVE to.  I have always been terribly self conscious, and it has only gotten worse as I have gotten older.  I just don't like to see myself.  Here I have the most adorable baby girl who is rejoicing in her beauty!  She doesn't notice that her forehead has the biggest mosquito bite on it that it looks like she will turn into a unicorn at any moment, she doesn't notice a single flaw, she just knows that she is "So Pretty" and she is loved.  I want to be like her.  I want to rejoice in ME.  Today, I will rejoice in ME.  I will rejoice that I have a body that works hard to meet my daily demands.  I will enjoy my blue eyes and round cheeks.  I will smile because I am ME.

I will also leave those slobbery smudges on my mirror as a reminder that I am "So Pretty".  I will pray that I will be confident enough in myself so that my daughter will never be afraid to look in the mirror.  That she will know that she is loved, important and that she is worth more than gold in HIS eyes.  Today, my role model and hero is my baby girl.  She loves me for me, and doesn't see my flaws as flaws, but as part of who I am.  I am blessed.

My Little Leaders

I told you that I would post about Eric's Pre-K and my thoughts on it all so, here it is as I promised.

Three years ago I was looking for a Mother's Day Out program to put Alex in.  I checked at a number of places locally and wasn't having much luck finding something that felt right.  Then, a friend of mine mentioned that she had her son in a program at Woodland Place Baptist Church called Little Leaders.  Her exact words to me were, "If I didn't belong to our church, I would go there in a heartbeat."  Well, that is saying a whole lot, so I went and checked it out.  The price was definitely reasonable and the people were super kind.  So, I enrolled Alex for Pre-K.  There Alex blossomed!  He had two amazing teachers that I couldn't thank enough for how amazing and loving they were to my boy.  I was in love with these people and I wanted to continue to have them in my life and in my family's lives.  I had cried, laughed, smiled, cheered, and found so much joy when with these devoted women.  We became friends, good friends.

The next year I decided to enroll Eric in the three-year-old class.  I am not sure if I was doing it for him or for me...really I couldn't imagine missing a year with these people. Once the school year started they asked me to teach at the school in the Pre-K class.  I have NEVER loved a job the way I LOVED this job.  I was in an environment where the Spirit was always present and the support and love were never ending.  Each morning we prayed together.  We prayed for each other, friends, family, students, tests, teachers...anything that was brought to our meetings.  It is here that I learned what it meant to pray.  I saw miracles and witnessed mighty changes in heart.  I grew so much as a Christian.  I learned to fellowship and share the love of Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father with any that were willing to hear.  I became friends with my co-teacher, not just pals on facebook, but sisters in the eyes of the Lord.  The year was amazing and as I get further and further along in my pregnancy with Josephine, they took care of me.  There were many times I often wondered what the heck I was doing bringing a child into such a tumultuous world, but then I would see the good that there is and all my fears would diminish.  THIS is what it felt like to raise your child in "a village".

Well, as baby girl came along and Alex left the public school system, I stepped away from my teaching roll and went back to being the Room Mom.  Eric was blessed to have Mrs. Fran and Mrs.Kristi, the same teachers Alex had for Pre-K.  What a year it was!  These teachers faced some serious issues as they stood up for what they believed and stood by their director as her job was brought to the attention of the church.  They dealt with budget issues and restrictions like they had never had before.  Still, they greeted every parent and student with a smile and a genuine kindness and compassion.  The love for their jobs shined through constantly.  My Eric struggles with his emotions and is a VERY tender-hearted boy.  They constantly made him feel loved.  When he had melt downs, they didn't scold him or ignore him.  They prayed with him, hugged him tight and told him he was loved.  Eric needed that very much.  He often would tell me that he had to tell his teachers something, or show them something, and each time that he talked to them, they focused on him and acted as if he was their entire world for that moment.

The last few weeks of school were hard.  News came down from the church that the Mother's Day Out program would be CLOSING.  I literally wept for days over this, and I still get a little misty eyed when I think about it.  After this year, it would be over.  OVER.  What would I do without this program?  I know the boys had outgrown it, but I had always just pictured Josephine going there too.  I don't know all of the details, so I don't want to point fingers or assign blame.  I do know that the teachers stood up for what they believed and didn't back down.  They had the students, parents, teachers, and church's best interest at heart.   They displayed true friendship and loyalty.  They are true examples of what it is to be an upstanding Christian woman.  The school year ended as it always did, class parties, graduation, the children singing and lots of hugs.  I wept as I drove to Eric's final Pre-K program.  I was a bit sad that my sweet baby boy was growing up, but I was heartbroken to watch the end of such an amazing program.  I didn't want it to end.

Now, a month later, I sit in my kitchen and I still cry.  I know that these women will go on and continue to touch the lives of others and to bless the world with their kind hearts.  I know that my children will look back on their years in Pre-K and remember all of the joy and giggles.  Most of all, I know that I learned a whole lot about myself, my children, my personal faith and how to be a Mommy in those short three years.  I learned what loving a child looks like and feels like.  I learned what it meant to "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).  I want to carry on their legacy with my children.  I want them to know of God's love for them, no matter what.  I want the to see the good and be the good in the world.  I want to live so that when all is said and done, I will be counted among those women as noble and true Christians.

I honestly couldn't say it enough.  I love the friends I have made through this program.  I am grateful that we live in a small enough community that we will cross each other's paths every now and then and that technology allows us to keep in touch.  

There may not be a Little Leaders program any more, but in my heart, my boys will always be Little Leaders.

It's Been Rough

Let me be honest with you, and with myself.  It has been rough.  These last weeks have been like a roller coaster for me emotionally and I really just wanted to shut everything out and not even think about it.  I keep trying to decide if I am depressed and if I should talk to the doctor, or if it is just situational and I will work through it.  Most of the time I tell my hubby that I have issues with "other people".  Most of the things causing stress in my life are not within my control and I HATE IT!  I am a control freak, I will freely admit it.  When things are going on that affect me, but I can't do anything about it I get really frustrated.  I guess most people probably do, but it is really starting to wear on me.  I am working on letting go and letting things come as they may, but then when I do that I get bombarded with super sick baby, sick four year old, sprained ankle, moody seven year old and PMS!  And that is just TODAY!

Well first I had to deal with my baby boy graduating Pre-K.  It was EMOTIONAL for so many reasons.  I will do a separate post on that soon (not now because Josephine will be crying to get up any minute now).  Then our house being on the market is a roller coaster ride all on its own.  Part of me thinks that these emotions, anxiety and stress are normal, but another part of me says it can't be or nobody would ever sell their home twice.  Then we had to get through the last few weeks of homeschool, which really weren't bad and in fact, I am smiling as I think of all we have accomplished.  Then, my wallet was stolen.  This turned into a fiasco and has caused me to have an insane amount of anxiety to just go shopping.  I literally didn't go to a grocery store for two weeks because I was afraid of other people.  No, it wasn't a violent act or anything, but I trusted someone and was kind to someone and in return they chose to steal from me.  Grrrr....frustrations.  Frustration with the store it was taken from, with the police (well a specific officer that thought intimidation and threats would shut me up), with the DMV, with money, with banks....everything.  And I still need to get my temple recommend sorted out.  Then more frustration as our family deals with my husband's job that has been VERY demanding of his time and energy.  I know many don't have jobs and I need to be grateful for his work and pay, which I am.  However, it doesn't make home life any easier nor does it make us miss him less.  Then pile on any other daily stress that might come my way and I am just tired.  I know it will get better, it has to....IT HAS TO GET BETTER!

I also feel as if many people are down right now.  With the situation of our country and ALL the MANY MANY MANY issues that are flooding us, how can you not feel a bit discouraged and disheartened?  I am determined to make this a great summer.  I want to enjoy many moments with my kids as they are only getting bigger and I don't want to miss a thing.

I am not looking for sympathy or anything with this post, just need to get it off my chest and move on.  I CAN DO HARD THINGS.  I ask your forgiveness for my lack of posting lately and I will try to be better.  I know I already have two more posts that will come out hopefully this week.  We are under house arrest by doctor's orders until baby girl is feeling 100%.  Hopefully we will be able to get into the fresh air by the end of the week.

Houston, We Have a Reader!

I know it has been a while since I updated, but no, I haven't fallen off of the face of the earth, things are just...different right now.  However, I feel like writing today.

 I am literally doing the homeschool mom happy dance lately.  First of all because Alex and I BOTH survived this school year and I think we came out shining!  I am actually looking forward to next year!  The biggest milestone I think we have hit is Alex's LOVE of reading!  All of the sudden he is BLOSSOMING!  The boy always has a book in his hands...or a Lego.  He takes books in the car, to bed, to church, to the gym, to meetings....everywhere.  Last night we started a new Magic Treehouse book and he read me a chapter all by himself...only a few promptings needed.  Then he BEGGED me to read just one more chapter, but it was WAY past bedtime already so I told him he could read it in bed.  When I went to wake him up this morning, he was already awake and reading in his bed!  The boy read three chapters all by himself.  I'm a skeptic so I read the chapters over and then asked him about what had happened and he could almost recite every detail!  I am seriously down right giddy about this.  I honestly believe that knowing how to read and loving to read opens endless doors and opportunities.  You can do ANYTHING if you can and are willing to read.  I pray that I can continue to encourage his love for reading and that this will not end up being "just a phase".

I read this quote to Alex and he wants it on the wall in our school room when we move :-)  Just makes my mommy heart happy.

This is ME Monday (Hahahahaha! I am doing it on MONDAY!)

Week 12: When have you helped brighten someone's day, and how did it make you feel?

In all honesty I can't pinpoint when I have truly brightened someone's day, but latey I am trying to serve more and be mindful of others.  I know that when I do find a way ti serve someone and I follow through, I feel better about myself.  I often will forget the problems I was having or realize that it could be a whole lot worse, or I recognize the blessings I have.  I also feel as if I am helping to move the work of the Lord further, especially in the right direction.  I once gave a talk on the topic "Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?"  I really enjoyed this topic and I spent a whole lot of time pondering this whole idea.  A lot of times we feel that we need to do something big to serve, but I honestly feel that it is in the everyday things that we do the most good in the world.  There is a song that I love by Steven Curtis Chapman that has a line that says:

Little stuff

Big stuff

In between stuff

God sees it all the same

While I may not know you

I bet I know you

Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?

Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long

As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you, 

Cause he made you

To do

Every little thing that you do 

To bring a smile to His face

Tell the story of grace

With every move that you make

And everything you do

The song is "Do Everything" You can listen to it here

This reminds me that it is in the things that I do that matter.  I need to make sure that the world knows who I am and that I am a daughter of God through the things that I do and say.  I want everything I do to be in His name.  I made a covenant to stand as a witness to Him at all times and in all things and in all places.  I know that the days that I remember this principle, the better my day goes and the more empowered I feel as a woman and as a daughter of God.   

This is ME-Week 11

Week 11: What are Your Many Blessings?

Okay seriously!?!  How broad of a topic can we get here!?!  I am not going to sit and llist all of my blessing because I would be here all night, and as you can tell, I barely have enough time to write once a week for a few minutes.  I will tell you though that I have been working on turning my focus outward and trying to be a blessing to others.  I will admit that I get pretty negative about myself sometimes.  I will whine and complain about how things just aren't going the way that I think they should and it snowballs into this giant pity party!  It really is pathetic.  Well, I started thinking about how destructive this behavior really is.  I don't want to drag myself down, the world does a good enough job of that already and I don't want to add to it.  Anyway, I have been trying to look at how I can be a blessing to others.  I have been praying sincerely to know each day how I can bless someone that I come in contact with.  I have to admit that I have really been impressed by the answers to my prayers.  I have had more opportunities to serve, listen, honor, respect, cherish and value people than I have had in a while.  I also find increased capacity to be able to bless others.  I want to be the kind of person that emulates the love of the Savior.  I want to be His hands.  I want to build up the kingdom of God and not just worry about my own part, but help others along the path too.  This is my goal.  I know i am not perfect and I know that sometimes I serve because I am supposed to, and not because I really want to.  However, my reasoning is that I will serve until I feel like serving.  Like the saying 'If you don't feel like praying, pray until you do" well, this is my idea with serving others right now.  I may not always have the purest thoughts or intentions, but darn it, I will do it until I get it right.  I lead a very blessed life.  I have three wonderful children (I can say that because they are sleeping an no longer making me crazy) and the most amazing husband ever.  I don't know what I did to deserve them, but I want to make my Heavenly Father proud of me and I want Him to know that I am grateful for them and I will strive to keep my blessings.

This is ME-Week 10

Week 10: What is your favorite Book of Mormon scripture? Why?

I honestly can't think of ONE Book of Mormon scripture that I love above the rest.  I must admit that this reminds me of when I was a freshman in high school and attending seminary in Sparks, Nevada.  My boyfriend at the time always joked that his favorite scripture in the Book of Mormon was:

 1 Nephi 2:15: And my father dwelt in a tent.  

This was always funny to us and we would always giggle when he told our teacher this.  One day she asked him why he thought it was importatnt that Nephi told us that he dwelt in a tent.  Then, without missing a beat he gave and elaborate explanation of the insight he had received from this scripture.  pI can still remember this experience vividly...I wonder if he does.  Anyway, back on topic.  I can't really think of a specific scripture that is my favorite in the Book of Mormon, but I really love the book of Enos.  It is very short, but to me very powerful.  I have most of the book highlighted.  My favorite verse, I think, out of the book of Enos is:

 Enos 1:4 And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens.

I think that Enos is a perfect example of prayer.  In my patriarchal blessing I was told over 5 times to become a "Woman of Prayer".  I have strived to do so and I find myself leaning on the power of prayer more often than not.  I have a firm testimony of prayer.  I know my prayers are heard and I know they are answered.  I am definitely not pateint and I struggle at times waiting, but I have a firm faith that the answer will come.  I need communication with my Father in heaven.  I crave it, and without it, I am lost.  I pray endlessly at times and I feel that my burdens are lighter once I hand them to the Lord.

There is a scripture that echos through my mind lately.  It is in Doctrine and Covenants.  It reads:

D&C 84:88  And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face.  I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.

There is a song on the radio that I LOVE right now, and in all honesty, I sing it REALLY loud when it comes on.  You can listen to it here.  It is called "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin.  According to him, he got inspiration from a scripture in 2 Kings chapter 6.  Here is the interview with him on the writing of this song. 

I have told my husband lately that I am trying to put the Lord in control of my situation.  I am struggling with a whole lot of feelings of inadequacy.  I am desperate for our home to sell so that I can move forward in life with a new home and restore some normalcy back into my children's lives.  I have grown up with the teaching that if you aren't moving forward, then you are sliding backwards.  I have had to continually remember to give this to Him.  He knows what is before me, He knows where I have been, and He knows where I am now.  He loves me and He knows that I can do hard things as long as I hold on tight to Him and to my faith.