Okay so I have been trying to figure out what I can talk about in my blog lately and everything I would think of, would not come to fruition, so I am determined tonight to sit down and type until something comes out. I am quite proud of myself as it is just after 10:00 and the kitchen is tidy, dishwasher running, bread maker prepped, laundry drying, and clothes are laid out for tomorrow. There are days when I look at myself and I am proud to be me. I feel like I have accomplished something and I might have it together (in a weird, discombobulated sort of way). Then there are days like yesterday where I can barely hold it together, I am ready to pull my hair out, I lose my patience with my kids, I wanna cry and I'm not sure if I wanna get up tomorrow because of the mountain of dishes I know will be there to greet me first thing in the morning. I want more days like today, but I'm not sure how to make more days like today. The biggest difference between the two days is the amount of "things" that had to get done. So, how do I make days with less stuff? Any suggestions? I know that planning ahead would help some, and I am working on it. I am also working on the word "NO" and I am getting better, but there are times I still can't do it. So tomorrow I will try harder to stay focused, and to get it done. This is a goal I often set monthly, weekly, daily....you know what I mean. Maybe one day I will get it right, or maybe I won't and this will constantly be my struggle. I'm not sure, but I know I can handle it and either my kids will learn how to juggle responsibilities, or learn how to keep it simple, either way they will learn something from watching me run around like a chicken with my head cut off.
I really think that the celebration of a New Year is silly. As a Mormon mommy I spent my New Years Eve watching The Odd Life of Timothy Green (I highly recommend) and eating pizza with my kids and GiGi. I loved every moment of it! I had no desire to be anywhere else (well, maybe Italy, but lets be realistic). I don't set resolutions for the year because honestly, our goals and paths change constantly. Also, setting life altering goals such as losing weight, getting organized, getting out of debt...whatever...doesn't magically happen on January 1st. It happens when you are truly ready to make the commitment. I know this from the depths of my being. I had tried to stop drinking soda for years. The stuff was unhealthy for me and was literally causing me intense pain. Still, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't give it up. Finally one day, out of nowhere I knew I was ready, and I stopped. I haven't picked up a carbonated drink since. I have no regrets and even though I still struggle with cravings at times, I know I am strong enough. I have so many more things I need to improve on, but I will take it one day at a time. I need to remember that I have been given each day for a reason. That reason is to grow and learn, and even though I don't know how many more days I will have here on this Earth, I do know that it is my responsibility to use it as the Lord has commanded me.
I often think of how much better I need to be. I am one of those parents that constantly beats herself up for everything! I had a friend tell me this week, "I just don't know how you do it all." My response was, "I don't". Instead of focusing on what I had accomplished and what I do, I focused on what I didn't and what I need to do. I need to cut it out! I read this amazing blog post this week and I really want to share it. You can find it here. Although I know I will still struggle with these feelings at times, I must also remember that I am awesome and I am worth it.
This year will bring lots of change for our family, each year does. I don't know where it will take us or what to prepare for. I do know that I can do hard things and I know that my family loves me and I am important to them. That's really all I need. Now, to go to sleep so I can prepare for another day of organized chaos.
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