Monday, January 21, 2013

This is ME Monday, Week 2

Week 2: What has been the biggest trial in your life so far?  How did you overcome it and what did you learn? 

I can only think of a few major challenges in my life.  I feel very blessed to have not been bombarded with some of the struggles I see many of my friends dealing with.  I can think of a few that have been real humdingers though.  I can think of my miscarriages, Job change for James, Deciding to Homeschool, and Selling our Home.

Okay, so I look at these and think I am a bit of a wimp because now these don't seem as horrific as they were when I was going through them.  That's a nice piece of perspective pie for ya!  I discussed my trials with my miscarriages here and I won't rehash it all out.  I really learned one very important thing from that long, 3 year experience...LOVE your children in every moment.  This has really changed my perspective on being a mother and I am a little sad it took be this long to figure it out, but I am grateful I finally did.  I love my children so much and I am really trying to enjoy these mini moments I get each day and live in them, and not just watch them.  I am important to them, and they are important to me.

Now, the one with James' job change wasn't a huge trial for me personally, but it was definitely a trial of my faith.  James' job had been a bit demanding and they were not willing to give him the raise he definitely deserved.  He was offered a job elsewhere.  we prayed long and hard over whether or not he should leave his current employment and move forward with this other company.  Every prayer, temple visit and fast came back with nothing.  Silence was on the other end of the Heavenly phone line.  Finally I told James to just make a decision and I would trust him because I wasn't getting anything...not a no, not a yes, not an anything.    We took the leap of faith and he worked both jobs for two weeks and then he moved to this other company.    To put it lightly things at this place of employment STUNK!  He was teased and ridiculed for his beliefs (the owner was an inactive member of our ward, that was a shocker to us!) and was treated as if he were incompetent.  We couldn't understand this.  Why would they seek him out and then treat him like garbage?  James is an amazing man and he was determined to stick it out.  A few weeks later his other job called and begged him to come back!  He didn't have to go through a re-hire or anything, basically just pick up where he left off!  We took it, along with the significant raise they gave him to get him back.  I can only look back on this experience and think of the different things we learned.  We learned to take a leap, we learned that we are strong, that good things come to those who wait and we learned that the Lord puts us where He needs us.  Shortly after James left the other company the owner got in touch with his Home Teachers and started accepting their visits.  Sadly, the gentleman died not too long after.  We pray that James' example helped to soften his heart.

Deciding to homeschool our oldest son was one of the hardest decisions ever, but at the same time, it wasn't a tough decision at all.  Kindergarten is supposed to be a wonderful year.  It is your first experience with real school!  The start to Alex's year was amazing.  He had a long term substitute that will one day become the patron saint of kindergarten teachers!  She was amazing!  She guided Alex through his first semester of kindergarten with love and encouragement.  The second semester his regular teacher returned from maternity leave and something changed.  Don't get me wrong, she is a very sweet lady with a big heart, but something changed in my sweet boy and he became very unhappy/  I spent a lot of time on my knees and in that classroom trying to figure out what was going on.  I will never know all that happened that last semester, but I knew enough to know that my child didn't like school anymore.  Alex was a trooper and he wanted to like school, but his spirit kept dimming.  One day, during the last two weeks of school Alex came home and asked me if I could teach him at home.  I was shocked!  I had contemplated it and discussed it with James, but never with Alex.  I knew what I had to do and it scared me to death.  It still scares me every single day.  I needed to teach Alex at home.  We decided to finish out the school year and I would formally withdraw him from school in the summer.  This decision has shaped our entire lives since that day.  I remember a dream I had the Spring before Alex started kindergarten.  I dreamed that President Monson stood up in General Conference and instructed all parents to teach their children at home because the world had become full of wickedness.  It was a very vivid dream and I tried to laugh it off.  Maybe it was inspiration for me?  I'm not sure, but right now I know this is what I am supposed to be doing.  Honestly there are days I hate it!  It is a lot of work and responsibility, and don't get me wrong, Alex deserves the best, but I usually don't feel that I am the best.  I am learning and growing every single day.  My limits are tested and I know I can be great and my children are amazing.

The last one is selling our house.  This is going on right now and I HATE it!  I am not patient and I am not organized and tidy.  These are key elements to successfully selling a home without losing your mind, and let me tell you...I'm losing my marbles most days.  I will update on what I will learn from this.  So far I have learned that I can clean a house like no other!  My dog thinks it is time to ride in the car every time I pull the vacuum out and that I can't control everything, no matter how hard I try.  This is obviously a learning experience on many levels and I just hope I learn this stuff soon so that I can move on.

So this is ME!

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