Decisions, Decisions

Whoa!  Two posts in one day!  Can you tell it is nap time at my house?

Okay, so I have been thinking about an issue that is very dear to my heart, as I struggle with it every single stinkin' day!  Mommy Guilt!  Okay, so some days it is worse than others, but on the days it is bad....it's really bad.  I think part of what makes it rough is that overflow of information that is at my fingertips.  I can hop online and get thousands of answers and opinions about ANY given topic.  I no longer have to get together with the other Mommy's in my circle of friends to bounce ideas around, I can go to the entire world!

So, I have a habit of looking for approval in decisions I make.  Stupid decisions and important ones.  From what to cook for dinner to what to teach my child about the birds and the bees.  I either go to my husband, grandma, mom, friends, facebook, groups, doctors, just about anyone (yup, even the cashier at the grocery store).  Why do I do this?  Why do I care what these people think about what I do with my children?  I think the biggest reason is I am totally afraid I am screwing it up.  We hear about terrorists, psychopaths, introverts, extroverts, obese, anorexic, sociopaths...the whole gambit   Do you ever wonder what their childhood was like?  I do.  I think, was there a point in their lives where mom might have noticed the kid was a little bit different?  Did family cram religion down their throat?  Were they abused?  Were they taught at home?  all of these crazy questions and more.

The other day I asked my grandma about my oldest son Alex.  Lately he is eating like crazy!  This kid can EAT!  Now, I am obese and I am working on getting control over myself and improving my habits (Down 20 pounds!).  Well, I started worrying about his portion sizes.  I know he is a growing boy and I shouldn't deny him, but at the same time I try to make sure I instill healthy habits in him so that when he is older he isn't fighting the same battle I am now.  Well, after a whole lot of reading and consulting with my grandma.  We talked about not denying him good foods and limiting unhealthy stuff.  I already do that, so why was I worrying?  So, all I can do in encourage good nutrition and keep him active.  If I see him starting to pack on the pounds, we will discuss it with his doctor, but until then, I will let him gauge how much food he needs.  Finally I quit guessing myself and took ownership of my decision.

My grandma is my sounding board.  I run everything past her, not so much for approval, but for me to say it out loud and hear myself say it.  Well, she has a strange habit of playing what I like to call "devil's advocate".  She will probably deny this when I talk to her tonight  but it is true.  I will say something and she will tell me a whole other side I didn't think of.  I used to second guess myself and kinda get a little panicky that I was rushing into such decisions   Then I would change my mind and do what she said because I was sure that she knew the right thing because she is older and wiser.  Well, then I would tell her I changed my mind, and then she would say that she agreed with my first decision   HEADACHE!  Finally I learned that whether she knows it or not, she taught me to own my decisions.  She is not my child's parent, and even though she is older and wiser, she isn't here being the mommy.  Now, when I tell her something, I wait for the rebuttle and then smile with confidence that I can handle my choice.  Sometimes she does bring up things that didn't cross my mind, but I no longer let it consume me.  These are MY kids, nobody else's and I know them better than anyone else.

The topic of "indoctrinating our children" has become a hot topic lately.  I started to think about that.  I really don't want someone else teaching my child what is right and what is wrong.  I want to teach them that.  I don't want to make them think that my choices and the way I live are the only way, but I also want them to know that I think the way I live is the right way to live for me.  I will no longer hide my political beliefs from my children (I may sugar coat them a bit) and I will let them know when I think something is wrong in the world we live in.  From now on, I will own EVERY single decision I make.  I will take responsibility for it and I will wear it like a badge of courage.

I receive Parenting magazine in the mail.  I have thought about canceling my subscription because lately it feels like mostly a big commercial, and a pretty liberal one at that.  Then I cam across an article that really struck home. I think EVERY SINGLE PARENT SHOULD READ IT!  It made me smile and left me feeling empowered.  The Title of the article is 'Judgment Day" by Erin Zammett Ruddy.  You can find it in the February 2013 issue of Parenting Magazine.  It is worth your 15 minutes to read it.  I can't find it online, so anyone local, I will lend it to you, and anyone else, try and find it.

Like I said many times already, and I will say it one more time.  Take ownership of yourself and your decisions.  It will drastically change your outlook on parenting and life as a whole.  It might even help take away some of that Mommy-Guilt.