Let me be honest with you, and with myself. It has been rough. These last weeks have been like a roller coaster for me emotionally and I really just wanted to shut everything out and not even think about it. I keep trying to decide if I am depressed and if I should talk to the doctor, or if it is just situational and I will work through it. Most of the time I tell my hubby that I have issues with "other people". Most of the things causing stress in my life are not within my control and I HATE IT! I am a control freak, I will freely admit it. When things are going on that affect me, but I can't do anything about it I get really frustrated. I guess most people probably do, but it is really starting to wear on me. I am working on letting go and letting things come as they may, but then when I do that I get bombarded with super sick baby, sick four year old, sprained ankle, moody seven year old and PMS! And that is just TODAY!
Well first I had to deal with my baby boy graduating Pre-K. It was EMOTIONAL for so many reasons. I will do a separate post on that soon (not now because Josephine will be crying to get up any minute now). Then our house being on the market is a roller coaster ride all on its own. Part of me thinks that these emotions, anxiety and stress are normal, but another part of me says it can't be or nobody would ever sell their home twice. Then we had to get through the last few weeks of homeschool, which really weren't bad and in fact, I am smiling as I think of all we have accomplished. Then, my wallet was stolen. This turned into a fiasco and has caused me to have an insane amount of anxiety to just go shopping. I literally didn't go to a grocery store for two weeks because I was afraid of other people. No, it wasn't a violent act or anything, but I trusted someone and was kind to someone and in return they chose to steal from me. Grrrr....frustrations. Frustration with the store it was taken from, with the police (well a specific officer that thought intimidation and threats would shut me up), with the DMV, with money, with banks....everything. And I still need to get my temple recommend sorted out. Then more frustration as our family deals with my husband's job that has been VERY demanding of his time and energy. I know many don't have jobs and I need to be grateful for his work and pay, which I am. However, it doesn't make home life any easier nor does it make us miss him less. Then pile on any other daily stress that might come my way and I am just tired. I know it will get better, it has to....IT HAS TO GET BETTER!
I also feel as if many people are down right now. With the situation of our country and ALL the MANY MANY MANY issues that are flooding us, how can you not feel a bit discouraged and disheartened? I am determined to make this a great summer. I want to enjoy many moments with my kids as they are only getting bigger and I don't want to miss a thing.
I am not looking for sympathy or anything with this post, just need to get it off my chest and move on. I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I ask your forgiveness for my lack of posting lately and I will try to be better. I know I already have two more posts that will come out hopefully this week. We are under house arrest by doctor's orders until baby girl is feeling 100%. Hopefully we will be able to get into the fresh air by the end of the week.
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